I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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