just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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