good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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