I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
