some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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