please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
