Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
