no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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