that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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