i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
