Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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