I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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