marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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