where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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