everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
