So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
