oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
