Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was born a porn star she said
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
