rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
