wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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