I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
