At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
