I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
