so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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