i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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