ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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