You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just tell him i said nine months
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have already put on my inside pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
