I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
