just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
