If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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