My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
