Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
