ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize