I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
