did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
