no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
