So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
