her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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