Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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