fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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