Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
