if you like me you must not know who I am
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
