I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
