i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize