I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
