At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
