whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
