I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
