Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
