just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
