you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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