gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
