I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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