True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
