i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
