I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the raccoons are back...
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