Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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