..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize