I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
