meet me or not, i'm out of control
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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