i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
