Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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