there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
