I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
