cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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