Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
