I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
