Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
