I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
