So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
