I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This house was built for laser tag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
